Elliot Day



My mom always said the days leading up to the anniversary of my father's death were actually worse than the actual day itself. I have seen that this week as we prepared for today, the one year mark after losing Elliot. Two days ago was the hardest, since it was the date we found out Elliot had died. Today we celebrate Elliot Day, the son/brother who belongs to us, just not on this earth, not at this time.

This image was what the nurses put on the hospital door while delivering my stillborn son. Our room was set back from the other delivery rooms. At first I thought they were banishing us in case I wailed or mourned too loudly. Of course I soon realized it was so thoughtful of them, to remove us from the soft cries of the other newborns, of what we would not hear in our room. I will be forever grateful to them for the kindness, compassion and tenderness they showed us through that difficult process. (My doctor is a different story, not for this post.)

I have many thoughts for today but most I will hold in my heart. I miss my baby, always wish he were here with us. I don't know the purpose God has for this loss, but I know He has a purpose. What I have learned is that time heals. This past year has been both short and long, filled with many changes and much growth. I cannot wait to meet Elliot, to hold him and know him. Until then, I pray for peace, I do my best to have faith in God, I sometimes cry, but always remember -- Elliot Keith Barber.

Comments

lynsey said…
oh becky, this is so beautiful and heartbreaking to read. i just love you so much and am so grateful for you and your friendship.

thinking of you, elliot and your sweet family today. love you!
September 21, 2012 at 8:47 AM
whipplewife said…
I thank you so much, Becky, for the thoughts and feelings you so freely share that strengthen and comfort all. I can hardly wait for the day this little Elliot runs into your arms. Love you, honey.
September 21, 2012 at 11:07 AM
Jen Lee said…
I really can't even begin to imagine how difficult this past year has been for you. I hope you always know how loved you are. I really admire your faith and strength.
September 21, 2012 at 11:21 AM
Cory said…
We love you and are thinking of you at this difficult time!! Hang in there!
September 21, 2012 at 2:22 PM
The Garbison family said…
Sending you love, dear friend <3
September 21, 2012 at 5:34 PM
Daniel doings said…
dear Becky, I find it hard to believe that it has been a year already. Time has a way of getting away from us that is for sure. I think of you and your beautiful family and I know that one day you will be given the wish of your heart and hold your Elliot. Love you!
September 26, 2012 at 3:53 PM
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