15 weeks!

(not our ultrasound, ours was garbage - thanks internet)


We are expecting a baby in August of this year. Wow, I never thought I would type those words again but here we are, on a journey that is both difficult and joyous. I am taking it one day at a time; today I am pregnant so that is a good day. I am starting to feel the baby move once in awhile and am excited to feel more movement as we get further along.

The short version of the story is this: we met with adoption agencies. We met with someone about foster care. We both knew we wanted to have another child but we certainly didn't want to get pregnant or try this route ever again. However, the Lord had a different plan. As we would pray about it I could feel Him nudging me, as if saying, "You don't have to do this, but if you want another baby this is how it needs to happen."

How we fought that, me especially! How much I would have preferred to take out a loan and adopt a baby, not that there isn't pain or heartache in adoption (believe me, I know there is) but at least we would be guaranteed a live baby at the hospital.

This path requires a lot more faith but I am also learning more about myself. As hard as this has been, I have learned that I will do whatever the Lord asks of me because I trust Him. His path for me has not been easy but I know He has my best interests at heart. And I certainly know that He can and will make more of my life than I could do on my own. It has been quite the journey but I am beginning to like me, to appreciate where I am at and to look forward to the future not with fear but with faith and hope.

Over the years, with each loss coming later in the pregnancies and hitting harder, I really hated my body. I hated that it had failed me, that something was wrong with me. There are many lessons to be learned through this process but I am learning to love myself, flaws and all, and to trust my body again. This is a gift from a loving Heavenly Father, as is this pregnancy.

Comments

Janene said…
Do you know how this post makes me feel? (Probably you do, but I'll tell you anyways) Like driving forty minutes just to give you a hug.
February 27, 2014 at 11:02 PM
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