February is my all-time favorite month, not only because of my birthday at the end, but I love red and pink, Valentine's Day, hearts, chocolate, being in love and enjoying the perfect Arizona weather all month long. I am not a mushy person but I am a lucky girl with a wonderful husband. I am so blessed and love being married. I love being a mother, too, but it is not as blissful, obviously.

The Lord has decided to turn our lives upside down. About a month ago I received an impression that we needed to return to Utah. That has been heart-breaking. I cried the first 12 days straight over it. I love my life here. I thought I had it all planned out; we never wanted to move and are still trying to understand. Honestly, I am in denial. I still cry whenever I have moments of lucidity.

Two weeks ago Scott felt a prompting to return to school; he moved quickly to get his application and transcripts in to BYU by the short deadline of February 1st. Now we are waiting to see if he gets accepted. BYU was the best choice (my alma mater) and the only school in Utah that will not cost us out-of-state tuition. Scott is really excited to return to school and finish his degree. I am excited for that opportunity for him. We are trying to decide if he will work full time and go to school part time or vice-versa.

We do not know where we will live, what we will do to support our family, where the kids will go to school or why we need to return to Utah. All we know right now is that the Lord is guiding us, a little piece at a time. We accepted an offer on our house on Friday. Now we hope and pray that the bank will accept the short sale. We are hoping to stay here until the end of May so the kids can finish out the school year with their friends.

The past six years here have been the happiest and hardest years of my life. We gained Myles and Landon while living here. We lost Willy, Scott's dad, and Elliot, our stillborn son. I had to have my appendix out, do a D and C on another lost baby last year, and have suffered from thyroid/adrenal fatigue/hormone/food allergy and stomach problems for the past two years. Gratefully I am finally coming out of that nightmare and am gradually gaining my health back. Paying on this house has been a severe financial hardship that has taught us a lot about living frugally, prioritizing true needs vs wants, being generous even when money is tight and that the greatest service you can give costs nothing more than your time and a piece of your heart.

I love my life here and am so sad that a chapter of it is ending. Scott and I both hope to return to Arizona, but it will never be the same. I feel a great loss as I have come to love and claim Arizona as my home. I have made a great life here and know I can do that wherever I go, but it will not be the same and that saddens me. I trust Heavenly Father, though, and am working on accepting His will in this. I am so thankful that I have a few more months to adjust to all the changes that await our family.

Comments

whipplewife said…
I am always so grateful to be a part of your life, even from so far away. Your wisdom and lessons learned, then shared, are an inspiration. You have a Pioneer spirit and I know that you will, indeed, put one foot in front of the other as you follow what the Lord has in store for you. He tells us that "after the trials come the blessings." I love you!
March 2, 2012 at 1:25 AM
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