Bring it on - I think


We are moving to Utah in three days. My house is a wreck; I feel like we are living the way hoarders live,  minus the rats, cats and various smells. The point is, we have been in packing mode for the last month and it has almost pushed me to the point of being ready to move. I cannot stand the disarray around here; it is mentally exhausting. We have taken three vanloads of STUFF to Savers and that feels good. We will be ready but we do have a lot of work ahead of us: finishing packing the next two days, loading the truck, then making the actual trip, then the unloading and don't get me started on the UNpacking. And then we have walls and ceilings to paint. And carpet to replace. And... okay, cannot think about it. Must take it one day at a time.

I am so thankful to have had the past four months to digest this move and all it entails. No, I have not accepted this move 100% and yes, I have cried countless times (counting now as I type this). I have really lived these past four months, though. I have taken the time to notice my surroundings and immerse myself in the perfect winter/spring weather, one last time. I have tried not to push loved ones away. I have been able to memorize faces and capture moments. We have so many wonderful family members and friends here that love us. My heart has felt big enough to burst and also crushed enough that I fear the sadness has no end. How can I not be out of tears by now? How can I move away from all that I love and worked for? Why does change and growth have to hurt so much sometimes?

When I get to these moments, the lowest of the low, truly HUMBLE, and I finally turn it over to the Lord, my prayers are answered with peace. My heart feels stronger and I get one step closer to trusting my God. On paper that seems so logical: God loves me so I should trust Him. Emotions are seldom logical and I definitely have my trust issues. But if I can teach my children (or anyone) ANYTHING, it is this: No one loves you more than your Heavenly Father and He has a plan that is perfect for you. Even if when it hurts. When you do what God asks He will make everything okay.

So off I go, to the next adventure, with a prayer always running silently off my tongue. I pray that my kids will make good friends, that we can find joy once again, that my heart will be strong as we make a new home. To my loved ones in Arizona, I carry you with me in my heart always. I have imprints of you on my brain and cannot wait to see you at Christmas when we come for a visit. I love you all.

Comments

Arycca Brothers said…
I can't wait to welcome you to Utah with a huge hug in two nights! We're always praying for you, and I love you for being such an amazing example to me my entire life!
May 23, 2012 at 8:10 PM
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