17 weeks along!



I have to write about my miracle. This is my 7th pregnancy (lucky #7 I've been chanting all this time) and will be our fourth child. The first trimester was very difficult for me emotionally. I have never had to live daily on pure faith and hope before, at least not to this extent. Each of the four ultrasounds were a reprieve from my constant worrying, but those brief reassurances could not replace the nagging in my head that this baby would not make it. I wasn't sick and didn't feel pregnant; how could this not be just like the other three miscarriages?

I know what a viable pregnancy for me feels like. I am as sick as a dog and I instantly feel pregnant. With the first two miscarriages I was not sick at all and after 10 weeks I had the typical signs of a miscarriage. Last year's miscarriage was the most difficult, though, since we had seen two ultrasounds with a live baby and we had made it past the danger point, or so we thought. I had no warning last year, happily arriving at my 13-week-checkup to unexpectedly see a baby without a heartbeat.

This time has been hard. I have not been sick, have not felt pregnant, didn't really start showing right away and was constantly surprised at each ultrasound showing a live baby inside. For the first 10 weeks the baby was measuring small and I tried to detach myself, prepping for the time when the baby would not have a heartbeat. I have prayed several times a day for this baby and this miracle, but wasn't completely convinced until my last doctor's appointment. At 15 weeks the baby was growing at the normal trajectory and all looked good. I still don't feel pregnant, though I look it and I know soon I will feel the baby's movements. None of this matters, though, because God has shown me how limited my knowledge and understanding is. His ways are not our ways. His plan for each of us is perfect. His plan includes trials and challenges, but the blessings and love we receive outweigh all of that. I am overwhelmed by His love for me, for the peace He has granted me and for my good life. Each of my kids is a miracle and I anxiously await holding this newest miracle in February.

Comments

Megan Dougherty said…
Yeah! I was just thinking about you and your pregnancy the other day. I am so happy to hear everything is going well!!
September 10, 2011 at 12:26 PM
The Garbison family said…
You are in my prayers, friend :-) This is so wonderful!
September 10, 2011 at 3:46 PM
patrice stanford said…
holy cow...I'm bawling my eyes out here!!! Please know that we are all praying extra hard for you and your whole family. I love you SO MUCH!
September 10, 2011 at 7:10 PM
Anonymous said…
Love you Becky! I need to see some pics of you pregnant and can't wait to find out what you are having.
September 11, 2011 at 7:20 AM
Arycca Brothers said…
Love you, big sister! Thank you for the sweet reminder that God is aware of us and that his love and knowledge are so much greater than ours. Congratulations!
September 11, 2011 at 2:53 PM
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