To be fair and honest to this blog, any readers and myself, today has been hard. I wasn't ready for facing people at church so I stayed home. Landon is horrible during sacrament meeting so he stayed with me. I studied about Emma Hale Smith all morning and was amazed by all the hardships she faced during her life. Why is there so much sadness in this life? How could one person endure so many trials? She was an incredible woman.
My kids are generally awful on Sundays and today was no exception. Scott always is gone with meetings and I often say the devil is alive and well in our home on Sundays. I also don't feel prepared to face the week ahead of me. Of course the Lord is still taking care of me; Scott gets to work from home Tuesday and Thursday, which never happens. That will be a huge help to have him around. People tell me I'm strong but I certainly don't feel strong.
I also had a special experience today; a kind man in our ward came over and gave me a hug. A few years ago this man was in our bishopric while I was in YW. During one meeting I bore my testimony about my dad, the fact that he had passed away while I was on my mission, and how much I missed him. This man later told me privately that he could feel how proud my father was of me and that he felt impressed to tell me that.
Today when he hugged me he asked, "Do you know who that was from?" We both cried because I knew it was from my dad. He smiled and jokingly said, "I've delivered his gift and now maybe he'll leave me alone." I have missed my dad a lot this week, wishing for a hug from him, knowing how long it has been. It's been 12 and a half years since he passed, but I think of him daily, particularly when I could use a dad, a big bear hug, and some great advice. Sometimes life is really hard.

Comments

The Garbison family said…
I love this, Becky. By sharing your feelings you are not only helping yourself but others!
September 25, 2011 at 6:56 PM
Anonymous said…
Becky-why can't I live near you? I love your wonderful words, your kind heart, your wisdom. Life is hard. Someday we will be able to understand it all. Love you girl!
September 26, 2011 at 11:14 AM
Arycca Brothers said…
I miss dad too, Becky. Every day. I'm so glad you have good people looking out for you in your ward. And I think you are far stronger than you give yourself credit for. I love you!
September 26, 2011 at 8:52 PM
Jamie said…
God is so good and what a wonderful experience and blessing to receive from heaven. Thanks you for sharing it. :-)

I had an experience like that after Aaron died and it was so comforting and wonderful to know that he was thinking of me.
October 3, 2011 at 12:33 PM
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