Elliot Day

My mom always said the days leading up to the anniversary of my father's death were actually worse than the actual day itself. I have seen that this week as we prepared for today, the one year mark after losing Elliot. Two days ago was the hardest, since it was the date we found out Elliot had died. Today we celebrate Elliot Day, the son/brother who belongs to us, just not on this earth, not at this time.

This image was what the nurses put on the hospital door while delivering my stillborn son. Our room was set back from the other delivery rooms. At first I thought they were banishing us in case I wailed or mourned too loudly. Of course I soon realized it was so thoughtful of them, to remove us from the soft cries of the other newborns, of what we would not hear in our room. I will be forever grateful to them for the kindness, compassion and tenderness they showed us through that difficult process. (My doctor is a different story, not for this post.)

I have many thoughts for today but most I will hold in my heart. I miss my baby, always wish he were here with us. I don't know the purpose God has for this loss, but I know He has a purpose. What I have learned is that time heals. This past year has been both short and long, filled with many changes and much growth. I cannot wait to meet Elliot, to hold him and know him. Until then, I pray for peace, I do my best to have faith in God, I sometimes cry, but always remember -- Elliot Keith Barber.