My little Landon has stopped sleeping well (okay, he never really slept well, but he did sleep 8 or 9 hours straight for a week). He is chunky but still thinks he's constantly starving. Whenever the person holding him has food or takes a drink, he reaches out for it. Yesterday I gave him baby food and he devoured the jar of carrots. It was so fun to feed him; it didn't help him sleep any better at night, but I've given up on that for awhile. In our 8 hours of "sleep" Scott and I added up that Landon either cried or moaned for 4 hours one night. It's obvious that "crying it out" isn't working.Today I took Landon to be evaluated by a pediatric physical therapist. When my mom was here she showed us that he always tilts his head to the left. The therapist confirmed that he has torticollis, which means that one major neck muscle is shorter on one side. Unfortunately this will entail 6 months of therapy and lots of daily stretching with him at home. Don't even get me started on how much money this will cost us, especially since health benefits have been cut back due to the recession. As Scott so wisely pointed out, "Time for you to grow, I guess." With any new trial I am quick to ask: What am I supposed to learn? I want to learn it and move on. The Lord has a different plan for me this time. I have always been fearful of having a special needs child, mainly because I like being a mom but I also like my "me" time. (**I am definitely NOT comparing this temporary condition to what any of my friends go through with their kids who actually do have special needs**) I already feel like I am barely keeping my head above water with all that is required of me. I am generally three days behind in any given area of my life. I feel like I could be a good mom to any one of my kids, but right now I am a poor mom to all three. On the plus side, Myles is taking a nap in his big boy bed right now, I am adjusting to life without REM sleep and my marriage is stronger than it has ever been. I never lose sight of how blessed I truly am, but I am always surprised by how selfish I can be when more is required of me than I am willing to give. I miss how nice my life was with just two kids. I miss sleeping through the night. I miss relaxing with Scott. I miss my brain working at full speed. You certainly love those you serve and right now Landon needs a lot of my love. I am excited to do this for him because it will make a big difference in his life and I have a lot to learn through the process.
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You don't know me but I am Chris and Holly's friend, Cara. I grew up hanging out at the Barber's house a lot. :) I just wanted to tell you to keep on treading! I have three kids too and I felt exactly the same as you do after I had my son. It is definitely a big transition and being sleep deprived doesn't help. It takes a while to get back into a good groove when you go from two to three. Don't be too hard on yourself, luckily kids are very resilient and most likely won't remember how you were when the new baby came. :) Good luck with your baby's Physical Therapy. We just never know what challenges a new child will bring us do we?
I know you are exhausted. I also know that when you are exhausted, life looks much fuzzier, harder, more frustrating, etc.
It does help, as you did in your blog, to look for what you are so grateful for.
I am grateful that there ARE PT's that know how to help. I am grateful that we found Landon's "shortened" muscle early. I am grateful that there IS a cure. I am grateful that you have been working out so much for so long that YOU are strong enough to work on your little son tirelessly. I am grateful for the wonderful family that you have created. There is nowhere your little Bailey or Myles would rather be! I am grateful that you have Scott that is equally as good at fatherhood as you are at motherhood. What a team you make! I love you! Mom
hang in there! You ARE a good mom. You are trying, you recognize there are things to learn. In my book that equals being a good mom! :o)
I know you don't know me either, but I grew up with Scott and his sibs. Holly and I were best friends forever it seems...I have three kids my self. I know it doesn't seem like it but, IT WILL GET BETTER=0)
I remember when my third one was born and my now ex-husband didn't work very much so, I had to work full time and had 3 little ones 4 and under...that was really hard and I felt like I never saw them and never felt like I was a good Mom. Now just a few years later I have three good-natured, well-adjusted kids. Stick close to Scott and your faith and don't worry about the little things...don't be so hard on yourself and you'll be okay=0)