Barber Bustlings

February is my all-time favorite month, not only because of my birthday at the end, but I love red and pink, Valentine's Day, hearts, chocolate, being in love and enjoying the perfect Arizona weather all month long . I am not a mushy person but I am a lucky girl with a wonderful husband. I am so blessed and love being married. I love being a mother, too, but it is not as blissful, obviously. The Lord has decided to turn our lives upside down. About a month ago I received an impression that we needed to return to Utah. That has been heart-breaking. I cried the first 12 days straight over it. I love my life here. I thought I had it all planned out; we never wanted to move and are still trying to understand. Honestly, I am in denial. I still cry whenever I have moments of lucidity. Two weeks ago Scott felt a prompting to return to school; he moved quickly to get his application and transcripts in to BYU by the short deadline of February 1st. Now we are waiting to see if he gets acce...

Early in December we went to Williams and rode the Polar Express with Grandma Peggy and Grandpa Bill. The whole day was an adventure: we realized too late that the DVD player didn't work. As we got closer to Flagstaff and temps dropped, we realized our heater was broken; at a gas station someone told us that the freeway we were taking was closed ahead because of snow. We had to backtrack and take back roads. At a small town I googled a mechanic and he fixed our heater. It was 12 degrees and I was freezing! Originally our plan was to find a place to go sledding before the train ride, but a 3 1/2 hour trip turned into an 8 hour trip. Luckily we made it to the train station with a half hour to spare. The experience was worth the trouble. On the way to the North Pole we listened to the story of the Polar Express. We loved the hot chocolate and ginormous cookies. We got to see Santa and his elf out the window at the North Pole. Santa then came aboard and gave all the kids a little bell....

I don't have much to report. We had family pictures a few weeks ago. We met a woman who needed computer repair so we were able to trade the full cost of her skills with Scott's mad computer skills. What a blessing! I love how they turned out. I am so blessed to have such a great family. We are all doing well. Here is a brief update: *Scott is trying to survive the load at work. He has worked three unplanned overnighters in the last six weeks. He would work 18 hours after sleeping only 3, then head back to work the next morning. He is also swamped with his calling and being a wonderful husband and father. I am so grateful he is a hard worker with great integrity. *Bailey is doing well at school. We just love her teacher this year. She is doing great at math and enjoying piano. She is growing up so quickly it hurts sometimes. *Myles is having a hard time at school. Last week he spit at an aide and called her, "Stupid head!" If you know Myles, this is not like him at all...

I have had the name Elliot on my mind for about a month now, two weeks before we knew it was a boy and that he had passed away. I was thinking of using it for a girl, but Scott was absolutely not on board with that! Once we delivered him I felt so strongly that we should use that name. My great-grandparents had a baby boy who died before he was two. His name was Keith. I was really close to my great-grandpa the decade before he died. I loved the idea of using his son's name as my son's middle name. I recently found out what Elliot means and it is another testament of the love of God and His involvement in our lives. In Hebrew Elliot means, "my God is the Lord." It also can mean, "My God helped me." My little Elliot is my testimony of how God has helped me. I have truly felt God's healing and help in my life. Losing this baby has been hard, but when I turn to the Lord, He helps lift this burden helps me face each day. I know God lives and that He is aware...

To be fair and honest to this blog, any readers and myself, today has been hard. I wasn't ready for facing people at church so I stayed home. Landon is horrible during sacrament meeting so he stayed with me. I studied about Emma Hale Smith all morning and was amazed by all the hardships she faced during her life. Why is there so much sadness in this life? How could one person endure so many trials? She was an incredible woman. My kids are generally awful on Sundays and today was no exception. Scott always is gone with meetings and I often say the devil is alive and well in our home on Sundays. I also don't feel prepared to face the week ahead of me. Of course the Lord is still taking care of me; Scott gets to work from home Tuesday and Thursday, which never happens. That will be a huge help to have him around. People tell me I'm strong but I certainly don't feel strong. I also had a special experience today; a kind man in our ward came over and gave me a hug. A few year...

Last night I was really happy. It made me a little worried, almost guilty, as if I hadn't loved or wanted this baby. But immediately I was reminded of the past four months of stress. I have worried almost daily about starting a preschool and having another miscarriage. Well, preschool is going well. I no longer stress about it. I plan and I enjoy it. Not every day is perfect, but I try to be flexible and go with the groove. The pregnancy ended. It was horribly shocking to see the ultrasound of a baby so void of life. I did not want to deliver the baby. I dreaded it. But now that I have gone through it I am so grateful for that experience. Heavenly Father did not want me to discount this baby. By delivering him, holding him, naming him, I understand that this baby counts. He is my son. I have another son! And I love him and I miss him. But I will see him again one day. I feel so much comfort, peace and joy from this. The Lord has done everything He could to make this experience as ...

To my baby Elliot, How I longed to hold you in my arms, but not this way. I never felt you move inside me, but you moved me. I wanted you to join our family. I would have done anything to have you live. I don't know any other baby that was more prayed for than you. So many people loved and prayed for you. I tried to have faith that you would live. The Lord had other plans, though, and I accept that. I'm so thankful that life continues beyond the grave. Know that I love you and cannot wait for the day that I can see you and hold you forever. Mom