Barber Bustlings

I don't have much to report. We had family pictures a few weeks ago. We met a woman who needed computer repair so we were able to trade the full cost of her skills with Scott's mad computer skills. What a blessing! I love how they turned out. I am so blessed to have such a great family. We are all doing well. Here is a brief update: *Scott is trying to survive the load at work. He has worked three unplanned overnighters in the last six weeks. He would work 18 hours after sleeping only 3, then head back to work the next morning. He is also swamped with his calling and being a wonderful husband and father. I am so grateful he is a hard worker with great integrity. *Bailey is doing well at school. We just love her teacher this year. She is doing great at math and enjoying piano. She is growing up so quickly it hurts sometimes. *Myles is having a hard time at school. Last week he spit at an aide and called her, "Stupid head!" If you know Myles, this is not like him at all...

I have had the name Elliot on my mind for about a month now, two weeks before we knew it was a boy and that he had passed away. I was thinking of using it for a girl, but Scott was absolutely not on board with that! Once we delivered him I felt so strongly that we should use that name. My great-grandparents had a baby boy who died before he was two. His name was Keith. I was really close to my great-grandpa the decade before he died. I loved the idea of using his son's name as my son's middle name. I recently found out what Elliot means and it is another testament of the love of God and His involvement in our lives. In Hebrew Elliot means, "my God is the Lord." It also can mean, "My God helped me." My little Elliot is my testimony of how God has helped me. I have truly felt God's healing and help in my life. Losing this baby has been hard, but when I turn to the Lord, He helps lift this burden helps me face each day. I know God lives and that He is aware...

To be fair and honest to this blog, any readers and myself, today has been hard. I wasn't ready for facing people at church so I stayed home. Landon is horrible during sacrament meeting so he stayed with me. I studied about Emma Hale Smith all morning and was amazed by all the hardships she faced during her life. Why is there so much sadness in this life? How could one person endure so many trials? She was an incredible woman. My kids are generally awful on Sundays and today was no exception. Scott always is gone with meetings and I often say the devil is alive and well in our home on Sundays. I also don't feel prepared to face the week ahead of me. Of course the Lord is still taking care of me; Scott gets to work from home Tuesday and Thursday, which never happens. That will be a huge help to have him around. People tell me I'm strong but I certainly don't feel strong. I also had a special experience today; a kind man in our ward came over and gave me a hug. A few year...

Last night I was really happy. It made me a little worried, almost guilty, as if I hadn't loved or wanted this baby. But immediately I was reminded of the past four months of stress. I have worried almost daily about starting a preschool and having another miscarriage. Well, preschool is going well. I no longer stress about it. I plan and I enjoy it. Not every day is perfect, but I try to be flexible and go with the groove. The pregnancy ended. It was horribly shocking to see the ultrasound of a baby so void of life. I did not want to deliver the baby. I dreaded it. But now that I have gone through it I am so grateful for that experience. Heavenly Father did not want me to discount this baby. By delivering him, holding him, naming him, I understand that this baby counts. He is my son. I have another son! And I love him and I miss him. But I will see him again one day. I feel so much comfort, peace and joy from this. The Lord has done everything He could to make this experience as ...

To my baby Elliot, How I longed to hold you in my arms, but not this way. I never felt you move inside me, but you moved me. I wanted you to join our family. I would have done anything to have you live. I don't know any other baby that was more prayed for than you. So many people loved and prayed for you. I tried to have faith that you would live. The Lord had other plans, though, and I accept that. I'm so thankful that life continues beyond the grave. Know that I love you and cannot wait for the day that I can see you and hold you forever. Mom

I have to write about my miracle. This is my 7th pregnancy (lucky #7 I've been chanting all this time) and will be our fourth child. The first trimester was very difficult for me emotionally. I have never had to live daily on pure faith and hope before, at least not to this extent. Each of the four ultrasounds were a reprieve from my constant worrying, but those brief reassurances could not replace the nagging in my head that this baby would not make it. I wasn't sick and didn't feel pregnant; how could this not be just like the other three miscarriages? I know what a viable pregnancy for me feels like. I am as sick as a dog and I instantly feel pregnant. With the first two miscarriages I was not sick at all and after 10 weeks I had the typical signs of a miscarriage. Last year's miscarriage was the most difficult, though, since we had seen two ultrasounds with a live baby and we had made it past the danger point, or so we thought. I had no warning last year, happily ar...

It's time to update my neglected blog. We had a great trip to Utah. My mom flew in a few days beforehand and then drove out with the kids and me. It was a bonus to have her there from England, too. Scott flew out a week later. We spent almost two weeks there and it was so nice to be surrounded by family and loved ones. I ate up the love and brought it back with me. I especially enjoyed my time with my sister and miss her terribly. She had a little five-week-old my kids adored and her two-year-old provided endless entertainment, as well. I can't even thank all the people who fed and housed us, who entertained us and just wrapped their arms around us. I love Arizona (I'm over the heat, though) but part of my heart is in Utah with my family and always will be. I kept thinking about how lucky I am to have all four grandparents still living. That can't last long and it was great to spend time with each of them. We got home on a Friday night and Myle...

The kids wearing their souvenirs from San Francisco Bailey turned 9 on Father's Day. We had a small family party that night. I cannot believe she is already 9. We only have 9 more years until she goes to college. That really puts it in perspective. She is getting so tall and losing her little kid face. She is doing so well in swim team. She has lots of friends and is always ready for fun. This has been one of my favorite summers with my kids. With our schedule (that allows for spontaneity, too) we aren't always hearing how bored everyone is. Bailey had a bounce house party (indoor-thanks to Groupon!) with 4 friends last week. She is a fun, beautiful girl and I'm so blessed to have her as my daughter. I'm also grateful for Scott. He is a great father and tries to make the most of his time at home. We don't see him much during the week because of work. Sundays he has a lot of meetings at church that keep him away. Saturdays he does his best to get in all the wrestling...

I was so sad that our last day had arrived. I missed the kids, but not as much as I thought I would and I was not ready to go home. We started our day in Japantown because one of the young men had called Scott the night before telling him of his mission call to Japan. We found some great souvenirs for him and more funny toys for the kids there. We had to take a picture of the YMCA there for the kids. They love that place. We were surprised by Japantown; we were expecting lots of shops like Chinatown. Instead, we found a mall and lots of housing. We saw the Chinese embassy, which we found a little odd. They have an enormous Catholic church as well as the famous Fillmore theater. We had Indian food again and then took the bus to the Golden Gate park. It was beautiful and would have been a perfect place for a run. We enjoyed another day of great weather, though I was cold. The park is massive. If we had had more time we would have gone to the California Museum of Sciences. The park has a...

Day 3 was all about the Golden Gate Bridge. We got up early every morning of our trip because we were so exhausted from all the walking we were going to bed early and getting uninterrupted sleep, a novelty for parents of little children. We started out at the Ferry Station. There was a farmer's market which looked incredible. I've never seen blueberries the size of grapes before. We bought our ferry tickets to Sausalito and enjoyed the little shops. We found a french pastry shop with our niece's name so we took a picture of that. Sausalito is an adorable little town that is considered as close to a coastal town off the Mediterranean Sea as you can get, but in America. I wish we would have had more time there. We had a wonderful lunch-the best salad of my life, which is saying a lot since I'm not a salad lover. We walked around the shops and toured a museum with Dr. Seuss paintings. We looked at the souvenirs but still hadn't found the perfect gifts for our kids. Whe...

Day two was all about Alcatraz. We got to the tour boat early enough that we had time to see the surrounding area. We saw Coit Tower, walked around the Ferry Station, saw some upscale apartments and shops, and enjoyed another beautiful day. We took the ferry to Alcatraz and enjoyed the audio tour there. The history is incredible. There are three prison escapees who were never found, neither were there bodies. We learned about the breakout that led to a few deaths. The prisoners made dummies out of their clothing and fashioned heads out of soap and paint! The gardens on Alcatraz were amazing. After Alcatraz we went to Fisherman's wharf and had some incredible seafood. We had fun at Pier 39 looking at the shops and enjoying the ocean breeze. We saw some seals who were barking up a storm. We walked a lot again all day long. Of course we ventured over to Ghirardelli's, though neither of us were hungry. I thought we would be able to see how the chocolate was made, but they don't...